Last Tuesday, June 5th, I had an idea to take a home pregnancy test, since I would be the only one home. We bought tests and I knew I would get an answer prior to my blood work, but the nervousness just put me off. Having seen 2 cycles end with negative results, and hoping with such confidence that this time would be different, I was hesitant to find out if this finally worked. I told Scott "not knowing the answer leaves me hope". It was true. If I didn't know, I would always "maybe" be pregnant and that was so much better then a negative outcome. Plus, I knew no matter the result, life would never be the same. For me, that was a tough wall to walk around.
This epiphany came to me in a work meeting. "Take the test by yourself. Digest the news in the evening instead of 5am". It just made sense. So, I went to acupuncture and cried. For the first time, I knew this would be it. At 7:30, my life would change and that completely overwhelmed my already crazy hormones. Laying on the table, I reviewed my symptoms over and over. I just knew that something was different and if I wasn't pregnant, I could stop second guessing myself.
I went home and quietly got undressed. My nerves were shot, but I knew this would be the best time to "just get it over with". I peeded in a cup and sat in the shower with the tests we bought the night before. This, to me, was a safe place. I needed comfort, despite being by myself. I read the directions, dipped the test and layed it on the tile. I prayed. I asked God to help me no matter the result and bring me strength to face the future. Within 30 seconds or so, I saw a line. It was the left line. The line that indicates pregnancy. Coming up before the test line! The positive test beat it's own constant! I was in shock. All I could muster as I watched the lines grow darker was "Oh my God" and "Thank you God". When it was most definitely finished, I ran to
get a digital test that I'd been saving since our frozen cycle last August. The digital tests are so harsh with "NOT PREGNANT" that I opted for a line test this time, to ease me into the result. If that first HPT had two lines, I would get sweet revenge and finally enjoy the digital results. I dipped it in the cup and within a minute it read "PREGNANT". Again, I started to thank God. I cried and sat still. All I wanted was Scott to come home so I could surprise him with this incredible news.I always thought that Scott would get the results early in the AM, with a scream or tears. Taking the tests while he was at school, added a little excitement to the mix, since he wasn't ready to get the answer that evening. I paced and waited for his car. Minutes passed and , i turned to the TV for distraction. Finally, I got a call from him at 8:00pm with the news that he was just leaving and would be home soon. Excited that I had some time, I ran across the street to Target and picked up a onesie that read "COOL like my Dad". I hoped to wrap it with the positive test and give it to him as a "last day of school" gift, but he got home within minutes of my return. When he came in the door, I told him I had a present for him. He had a present for me to. I assured him mine was better. He gave me a tube of grape chapstick and I gave him the positive pregnancy test saying "it worked, the IVF worked!" We hugged for an eternity and he told me he loved me. I cried, he got a wee bit teary and we both celebrated by putting the new onesie on Harley the cat. I wanted to tell mom so much, so we drove to her house and I gave her the news at the front door.
Next up, bracing myself for the symptoms and the changes.
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