7 Weeks?

We have a second ultrasound scheduled for Thursday morning. As far as my calculations go, we are at the beginning of week 7. But Dr. Mayer said that all time is relative until we take a measurement, which won't happen until they hear the heartbeat...which is Thursday 6/26.
No terable symptoms. The nausea is getting a bit worse, but only on an empty stomach. With nothing in there, there is nothing to throw up, which is nice. Still is annoying though, walking through a daily routine and just dry heaving at any moment. I am hoping the MS doesn't catch up to me while we're on vacation. :(
Had dinner with Kathy E. and gave her the good news. She is thrilled, which was fun. It's nice to have a handful of women I can share with.

1 day until heartbeat.
2 days until Maine
5 days until Canada.
WOO HOO!

6 Weeks, 1 Day ?

According to our calculations, we just started the 6h week. However, the doctor thinks we may be a bit behind our own calculations. On Monday, we had our first ultrasound. Thanks to an alarming nurse on Friday afternoon, calling with my 'not quite doubling' 4th beta result, our apt was moved up 2 days to first thing Monday. So, needless to say, I was a nervous wreck the whole weekend...spending Friday worrying...Saturday writing a paper to keep my mind off the worry...and Sunday, trying to think positively. So Monday morning came and I didn't even want to chit chat. I just wanted to get to the office and get it over with. Determine if the not-quite-doubling betas was a bad thing or a non-thing.

Dr. Mayer came in and welcomed us warmly. He told us that he wanted to see a circle and really not much else. Sure enough, he found that circle, which would be the placenta, a yolk sac, and a small dot he said was the embryo...complete with fetal pole. I was so relieved! When he turned the screen over to Scott and I, pointing out the pregnancy, I was in shock. I didn't do anything except study the picture he was pointing to and take it in. The pregnancy was there. It was going good. The nurse 'thought' she saw a flutter (or heartbeat), but Dr. Mayer said no heartbeat until week 6 and he felt we were maybe in the early stages of week 5. So, back next week for a heartbeat. Once that is seen, I will officially be excited and less worried.

In the meantime, the nausea seems to be creeping in slowly. It's more noticeable then a week ago, and seems more recurrent (am & pm). I find it's most bothersome on an empty stomach and once I eat, the feeling disappears immediately. The heartburn is the most annoying. Milk helps and is comforting. But that too is all hours...after eating mostly. Finally, the exhaustion is getting annoying. It's harder to bare when I wake early or go to sleep later. OR, when I'm bored at work. If I'm busy or relaxed at home, the tiredness seems minimal.

Scott told his father and grandfather this past Sunday, Father's Day. They were excited...granddad more so. I think Scott has been waiting for that day for a long time. I'm happy it could be on Father's Day.
As for Scott, he has been tremendous. Aside from the enthusiasm for this baby, he has been so patient and helping and positive. The weekend from hell was easier thanks to his reassurance. He came to work to pick me up after the nurse's phone call and then laid with me as I cried and worried. I am seeing a new side of him, which I love to grow with.

4 Weeks, 5 days

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This 2 week wait was different from others.

2 days post transfer = twinges, slight pain when I coughed and slight waves of quick pain on my side. I also had annoying middle back pain which would occasionally radiate down my leg. Totally exhausted and feeling like I ran a marathon.

Acne continued to flare up and AF type cramps would come and go throughout the week. Heartburn off and on at night. Craving bacon like it's going out of style. Can't seem to get enough of the bacon! I kept making bacon at work and sharing it with people so I wouldn't look like a crazy woman.

6 days post transfer = dizzy/nausea/ headache spell at work in the AM. Scott was disappointed that those symptoms came and went, leaving me with only exhaustion for the weekend. Snapped at a person at work. He asks if I'm pregnant.

9 days post transfer = nauseated in the AM, smell of work fridge made me gag and unbearable constipation. I was in pain walking and sitting and sleeping. Drank prune juice with my nose pinched since apples and grapes didn't work. Acne is taking over my face...and my spirit. Sleepiness hits at 2pm. Makes focusing really tough. Want to sleep instead. Crying to irritated in 9.8 seconds.

10 days post transfer = continued constipation. My whole middle hurts to walk. I break my own rule and head to BK for a coffee and greacy hashbrowns. Helps a little but I look forward to getting to the acupuncture apt so I can beg for needled relief. She does her work and pain went away in an hour. A wee bit nauseous in the AM. Goes away after getting ready for work. Continued exhaustion. BFP!!

11 days post transfer = Tired, bloated and cranky. Snapping at hubby for the slightest of irritations. Slight nauseousness which let's me know that all is normal. Still able to brush my teeth with only gagging.

12 days post transfer = BETA day. No appetite in the AM recently. Started drinking a cup of milk since I haven't been a big milk person and figure the added vitamins are good grub. Starving after the blood draw, so I treat the embryo(s) to some BK again. Hash browns seem to be a comfort food these days.

And today, 4 weeks and 5 days along, we have told mom, dad, Diana, Carlee, Kevin, Kerri, Beth, OOT friends and random work people. Symptoms are near extinct (for the moment) and only complaining of bloating, but finally, without pain. I am becoming ok with the new body that is being morphed out of the old me. Nausious in the AM, but goes away once I start walking around. Confusing appitite...always hungry but not sure what I want. I get full quickly thanks to the bloat, which is a good thing since I would eat and eat if it felt like an empty hole.

Scott and I have bought a couple of books after sitting at Boarders Friday night. One has photographs of fetal development, helping Scott see what's going on in there. On Saturday, we visited BabiesR'US and looked at all the "equipment" we'd need for this new addition. Strollers were confusing and the supplies were overwhelming. But, we walked out more confident then we di walking in. I'm excited to buy the toys and decorate a nursery. It feels like there have been cob webs in our 3rd room since we've moved in.

Getting the ANSWER

We're pregnant! It still sounds so foreign to me. I never thought after trying for so long, that we'd finally be where we are today. The idea of having a genetic child that is both of us, hasn't hit me. I was ready for adoption, ready to never carry a baby inside me, for never feeling a kick. But I had good feelings about giving it one more try. And as it turns out, those good feelings guided us through the entire process, and are still guiding us today.

Last Tuesday, June 5th, I had an idea to take a home pregnancy test, since I would be the only one home. We bought tests and I knew I would get an answer prior to my blood work, but the nervousness just put me off. Having seen 2 cycles end with negative results, and hoping with such confidence that this time would be different, I was hesitant to find out if this finally worked. I told Scott "not knowing the answer leaves me hope". It was true. If I didn't know, I would always "maybe" be pregnant and that was so much better then a negative outcome. Plus, I knew no matter the result, life would never be the same. For me, that was a tough wall to walk around.

This epiphany came to me in a work meeting. "Take the test by yourself. Digest the news in the evening instead of 5am". It just made sense. So, I went to acupuncture and cried. For the first time, I knew this would be it. At 7:30, my life would change and that completely overwhelmed my already crazy hormones. Laying on the table, I reviewed my symptoms over and over. I just knew that something was different and if I wasn't pregnant, I could stop second guessing myself.

I went home and quietly got undressed. My nerves were shot, but I knew this would be the best time to "just get it over with". I peeded in a cup and sat in the shower with the tests we bought the night before. This, to me, was a safe place. I needed comfort, despite being by myself. I read the directions, dipped the test and layed it on the tile. I prayed. I asked God to help me no matter the result and bring me strength to face the future. Within 30 seconds or so, I saw a line. It was the left line. The line that indicates pregnancy. Coming up before the test line! The positive test beat it's own constant! I was in shock. All I could muster as I watched the lines grow darker was "Oh my God" and "Thank you God". When it was most definitely finished, I ran to get a digital test that I'd been saving since our frozen cycle last August. The digital tests are so harsh with "NOT PREGNANT" that I opted for a line test this time, to ease me into the result. If that first HPT had two lines, I would get sweet revenge and finally enjoy the digital results. I dipped it in the cup and within a minute it read "PREGNANT". Again, I started to thank God. I cried and sat still. All I wanted was Scott to come home so I could surprise him with this incredible news.

I always thought that Scott would get the results early in the AM, with a scream or tears. Taking the tests while he was at school, added a little excitement to the mix, since he wasn't ready to get the answer that evening. I paced and waited for his car. Minutes passed and , i turned to the TV for distraction. Finally, I got a call from him at 8:00pm with the news that he was just leaving and would be home soon. Excited that I had some time, I ran across the street to Target and picked up a onesie that read "COOL like my Dad". I hoped to wrap it with the positive test and give it to him as a "last day of school" gift, but he got home within minutes of my return. When he came in the door, I told him I had a present for him. He had a present for me to. I assured him mine was better. He gave me a tube of grape chapstick and I gave him the positive pregnancy test saying "it worked, the IVF worked!" We hugged for an eternity and he told me he loved me. I cried, he got a wee bit teary and we both celebrated by putting the new onesie on Harley the cat. I wanted to tell mom so much, so we drove to her house and I gave her the news at the front door.

Next up, bracing myself for the symptoms and the changes.